PATH OF THORNS*
BY SOLCORAZON
Niall was sleeping. Sleep was everything. Sleep was bliss. He didn’t feel the hard ground beneath him. He didn’t feel the cool September chill in the air. He was lost in the sweet oblivion of sleep; a place where he didn’t have to think, didn’t have to fight.
Packed tightly in Dyllan’s Toyota pickup, Dyllan, Lacey and Kai rode through Druid Hill Park slowly. Lacey looked at Dyllan’s worried face and said softly, “We’ll find him.”
Dyllan glanced at her quickly, gained comfort from the love and warmth in her sweet brown eyes, then returned his eyes to the road. “I know. I’m ok.”
“There’s one place left that we haven’t tried,” Kai said. “I know it’s not his usual spot, but there’s a first time for everything. Go all the way to the end of the road to your left. There’s nothing over there so it’s a good place to crash.”
Niall was dreaming about Shannon again. Shannon was one of the few people in the world he trusted. Shannon had one of the sweetest spirits he had ever known.
Shannon was the first person he had asked to tie him up. Shannon didn’t get it, but that hadn’t stopped him. He had done what Niall asked without any questions and most importantly, without acting like Niall was disgusting or some kind of freak.
They had started playing around when they were kids. It had started innocently enough. Niall, his older brother Quinn, and Niall’s best friend, Shannon, had been playing, “you show me yours, I’ll show you mine.” From there, they had progressed to watching each other jerk off and then to helping each other out from time to time.
When Quinn had discovered girls, Niall and Shannon had continued playing with each other. At some point, they had both concluded that they were gay. In Niall’s house it wasn’t an issue. His mother Peggy made it quite clear to all of her kids, that in their home, shit like that wasn’t important.
Once they started sucking each other off, Niall had finally worked up enough courage to ask Shannon to tie him up, and then suck him off. Sometimes, he would ask Shannon to blindfold him and then Niall would get Shannon to fuck his face.
It hadn’t been enough, but it had been better doing it with Shannon, someone he knew and trusted, than some of the strangers he ran into, once he and Shannon had stopped playing around. Then again, he liked doing it with strangers. Some weird part of him liked the excitement of doing it with someone he didn’t know, liked the edge of fear that accompanied doing it with a stranger.
When Shannon had fallen in love with Niall’s big brother Cullen everything changed. Shannon had always had a crush on Cullen. When Cullen took both of them out for their sixteenth birthday, snuck them into a club and gotten them a little tipsy, he had stolen a kiss from Shannon. After that, Shannon wouldn’t play with Niall. He said he couldn’t. He didn’t want anyone else but Cullen.
Niall had felt even more isolated and alone. Once he and Shannon stopped playing, nothing was the same. He was restless. He didn’t know what he wanted. If he had, he would have gone out looking for it. He only knew something was missing but not in his dreams.
In his dreams, he was tied up to a chair, in the middle of his bedroom. Shannon was fucking his face frantically, viciously and he was about to cum from being taken like that, used like that. Dyllan knelt next to his brother and shook him gently, “Niall, Niall, wake up, man. Wake up.”
Niall groaned and reluctantly opened his eyes. He saw Dyllan and said, “Go way.”
“Nope,” Dyllan said stubbornly. “I’m taking you home with me tonight. C’mon.”
Niall’s eyes remained closed. “What do I have to do to make you go away?”
Dyllan ignored the question. He dug into the backpack he had brought with him. “I got something you like. Couple of sandwiches, some candy bars and…”
Niall slid from underneath of the park bench he had been using for shelter as he slept. “Food? Why didn’t you say so?”
Dyllan sighed noisily. “Is that all I had to do? You coming home with me now?”
When Niall shook his head no, Dyllan left it alone. He watched Niall eat ravenously. His appetite belied his lean, wiry frame. Dyllan looked him over with concern.
Niall’s honey blond curls were matted all over his head. His dark blue eyes were glazed and weary. The expression in them was in stark contrast to his youthful features. Though he was older and with his boyish features, appeared younger than Dyllan, he had the eyes of an old man.
“I put some warm clothes in the bag for you,” Dyllan said. “There’s one of those lightweight blankets in there too. And more food.” He leaned over, palmed the sides of his brother’s face, and kissed him on the mouth. “I love you. We love you. We want you to come home.”
Niall lowered his head and pretended to be engrossed in his sandwich. He acted as though he hadn’t heard what Dyllan said. Dyllan sighed again, quietly this time, and walked away. “I love you too,” Niall whispered. “And I can’t come home. Not yet.”
Dyllan walked back to the pickup where Lacey and Kai waited patiently for his return. He sat in silence for a moment. “Want me to drive, baby?” Lacey asked.
“Nah, I’m alright,” he said huskily. “Just hate seeing him like this. Baby girl, I am really, really glad that you stopped me from slingin when you did. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Especially seeing Niall like this.”
“I know. I understand.” Lacey’s mother had been a junkie for as long as she could remember. Somehow, she thought that for Dyllan, seeing Niall like this was even worse.
Niall hadn’t always been this way. Niall was a clown. Always had a sarcastic comment ready. Always made them laugh. When they were growing up, Niall had been so much fun. They loved being around him. Dyllan started the truck and they drove home.
Niall devoured the food in the backpack. His brother Cullen had dropped off some clean clothes and food for him yesterday. He didn’t know how they did it, but somehow one or the other of his brothers and sisters found him every day, and brought him food and anything else they thought he might need.
Food seemed to help. Being out in the open seemed to help. Being at home, around the same places, same people, and doing the same things seemed to keep him trapped in what he thought of as The Big Lies. The Big Lies, were all of the reasons he gave himself to continue what he was doing.
It really wasn’t a problem if he just did it on the weekends. It really wasn’t a problem if he just did it when he went out and didn’t do it at home. It really wasn’t a problem if he didn’t do it when he was working.
One day he had looked up and found that he had lost his apartment, lost his job, and the people that he was hanging around with were people he knew, but not people he could ever call friends. From moment to moment, his entire existence was all about getting high: how to get the money, where to get what he needed, and how to get there, because he no longer had a car.
His mother hadn’t said anything to him when he had moved back home. His brother Cullen had offered him a job working with him. His family had viewed him with concern but offered nothing but love and support.
He didn’t deserve it. He knew that if they ever found out what he was doing or some of the things he had done, that they would hate him. He was ashamed. He tried to stop. He couldn’t even remember how it had started.
When he looked back, it seemed like there was no clear beginning. As a teenager, he had never experimented with drugs or alcohol. His father was an alcoholic and his mother had warned them, over and over that alcoholism and drug addiction ran in their family and that for his brothers and sisters and him to experiment like everyone else would be like playing Russian roulette.
When he was older, he thought that it was no big deal. When one of his lovers had offered him some weed, he had tried it and liked it. It had made things…different…more…he had never been able to define it…but he liked the feeling. He had liked floating away on a cloud of sensation.
Then he started doing coke. Damn, that rush. It was just like the feeling he had when he went off with someone he didn’t know, the fear, the anticipation, the rush. And then…the crack. He couldn’t remember who he had been with, how it had come to be that he had that little pipe held to his lips. Did he know what it was? What he was doing? What that little piece of rock would come to mean to him?
The events were all blurry. What he could remember was taking a deep breath and then the sudden explosion inside of his head. Like someone had cracked open his skull and poured liquid pleasure directly onto his brain. It was quick. It was powerful. And he wanted more. Now.
It was amazing how he went from zero to sixty. In a matter of months his life turned to shit. Maybe it was the other way around. He went from sixty to zero.
He had vowed to straighten up and fly right after he had gone with some guy who kept him handcuffed to a radiator for three days. He had agreed to it. For the money. So he could get high.
He had vowed to straighten up and fly right after some guy had pounded his ass until he was raw and bloody. He had agreed to it. For the money. So he could get high.
He had been able to keep it together for a while. In spite of how close his family was, he had been able to hide it from them. He had been able to keep laughing, keep up the jokes and keep them from seeing how fucked up he really was. How fucked up he had always been.
Now that he was awake, he was thankful they hadn’t found him until it was close to nighttime. He had slept the day away. If he could make it until evening, he could usually control it. He had figured out, that time he had been cuffed to the radiator, that if his kink was being satisfied, the craving for the high was being met in another way.
He had learned a hell of a lot about his body over the past several months. How much punishment it could take. How much the need in his body could fuel The Big Lies.
It seemed to start in his knees. His knees would start shaking. He tried holding them. Lying down. Ignoring it. Nothing stopped the shaking. It spread from his knees outward.
Then the Big Lies would start. If he got high, just this one time, the shaking would stop and then he could get himself together and go get some help. He was on his way to get help, from somebody, somewhere, but he needed to get high first. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this could he?
Then the pain. His entire body from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He knew pain. He liked pain. Only, this pain was different. It started out as an insidious, nagging ache. Didn’t really hurt. It was just there. Reminding him. Constantly grinding away at him. Then it got bigger. Calling to him. Taunting him. It wasn’t going anywhere until he fed it. It was a big, ugly, ravenous monster.
Sometimes, he could trick it. If he could sleep. Eat like a fucking horse. Get some guy to beat him unconscious or fuck him ‘til he broke. Living in the park, away from everything and everyone.
He got up. He knew it was just a matter of time. He had been playing this game with himself and the Big Lie for a couple of months now. He didn’t know if he was gonna win. Right now, what he knew was that there was a very small window between the time he stuffed his face and the time his body started realizing it was awake and there was something it wanted REALLY BAD.
He walked downtown, thinking about which bar he was gonna hit tonight. Tonight, he was gonna be somebody’s really good boy. The sky was the limit.
He stood outside the bar casually, deciding not to go in. At first, he thought drinking helped, only to realize that it made it worse. Not only that, drinking made it harder to find someone who would play with him. The experienced Tops wouldn’t touch him when he was drunk. And just like everything else in his life, when it came to drinking, it was all or nothing. He couldn’t stop at just one.
Tonight, he felt that he could hold the monster at bay long enough to be selective. He surveyed the guys leaving the bar carefully. He still had bruises on his back from last night.
The group exiting now caught his eyes. When Niall caught sight of HIM, the others disappeared. Niall’s heart stopped in his chest. He could feel it come to a halt between one breath and the next.
This man was…beautiful. He had never seen a man this beautiful before. His skin was a smooth, creamy caramel. His hair was pulled away from his face and cascaded down his back. Long, dark brown dreads, hanging to his waist. His face was regal. There was a small silver hoop glinting from his left eyebrow and a diamond in his left nostril. Tiny silver studs lined both earlobes.
Wide eyes of a color he couldn’t determine. He peered closer. They appeared gray in the light and stood out in his face. Niall stared into them, enthralled. He had never seen eyes that color before, a cool, clear, dark gray. High cheekbones. Full lips and a dimpled chin.
Derek saw a young guy with a cocky smirk on his face. It made him want to smile because it was so cute. Dark blue eyes, the color of the Chesapeake on a warm summer day. Dark, honey blond hair. Curly and soft looking. He saw past the arrogant smile to the pain and fear beneath and felt a sense of recognition.
Seconds took hours to pass. Niall could not look away. He tried, embarrassed to be so…obvious. Those eyes settled on his and focused on him like lasers, looking into him. Niall felt like he had been turned inside out.
He was ashamed of the way he looked. He hadn’t showered for days. Hadn’t even cared enough to run a brush through his hair. It usually didn’t matter. It didn’t matter now either, he told himself. It wasn’t like this man was going to take him home. The man had turned away, attention caught by something one of the guys who was with him had said.
Niall didn’t notice the guys who came out of the door after this one, even though they were noticing him. He stared after HIM, watching his back with longing as he walked down the street. He had a slow, smooth graceful walk that seemed like he was moving in tune to music only he could hear.
After saying his goodbyes, Derek walked down the street, talking to himself as he went. Keep going, yes, that’s good, keep going. You’re doing good. Don’t turn around. Keep going.
THE FIXIT SHOP IS CLOSED. Shut down for good. Don’t do it man. Don’t do…. Those indigo eyes, vulnerable and sweet, materialized before his mind’s eye. He stopped walking and stood still for a minute, continuing the argument with himself.
He turned around. Niall was still staring after him. Their eyes met over the distance. Derek spread his hands. Well? Niall looked at him, disbelieving. Galvanized into action when Derek didn’t move, obviously waiting for him, Niall ran towards him. He stopped in front of him and said breathlessly, “Hi.” Oh that was brilliant Niall, he said to himself.
Derek smiled at him and said, “Hey, I’m Derek. What are you up to tonight?”
Niall looked at him silently. Damn, his voice was as compelling as the rest of him. Hi, my name is Niall and I will follow you anywhere you want me to go. “Um…my name is Niall,” he stuttered, his usual composure failing him.
“I’m just about to go home. It’s a couple of blocks away. You up to the walk or do you wanna get a cab?” Derek asked.
“Walking is good,” Niall replied.
They walked quietly. Derek’s inner dialogue continued. Okay man, what the fuck do you think you’re doing? I thought you learned your lesson the last time. Lonely, lost little puppies end up making you miserable. He sighed, shaking his head over his own stupidity. At least I won’t tell myself it will be different this time.
“How much?” he asked abruptly.
“Wh..What?” Niall said, stalling for time.
“How…much?”
Embarrassed and flustered, Niall was stunned to feel himself blushing fiercely. “Nothing,” he mumbled.
Derek looked at him quizzically. “Nothing?”
“Not for you,” Niall said, hoping that Derek would leave it at that and not question him.
“You do know you were outside of a leather bar, right?” Derek asked.
Blushing again, Niall said quietly, “Oh yeah, I know where I was.” He struggled to regain his usual sangfroid, unsure of why this man had the ability to discomfit him so easily.
They stopped in front of a building with a doorman who rushed to open the door. “Thanks, Stan,” Derek said.
“You’re very welcome, Dr. Saunders.”
As they entered the elevator, Niall said in a small voice, “Doctor?”
“Yeah,” Derek said in a manner that did not invite questions.
When they entered the condo, Niall looked around in wonder. The foyer contained an oblong marbled table that even he knew was an expensive antique. There was a huge, big screen television in the living room and a large painting that depicted two nude men together; one was kneeling before the other.
A huge black leather sofa was in the center of the room and there was another round, marbled antique table in front of it. The table was covered with several big, green leafy plants. A comfortable easy chair was in the corner of the room.
“Have a seat,” Derek said gesturing towards the couch. Niall sat down on the edge of the sofa gingerly, obviously ill at ease. “Get comfortable,” Derek said impatiently. “I’m not gonna bite you.” He thought about what he had just said. “Well, I might bite you. But make yourself at home anyway.”
Niall sat back and looked at Derek with wide eyes.
“One thing,” Derek said. “No drugs. I want you to take your clothes off. And I want to you to empty that backpack.”
Niall flushed with shame. He knew. He knew everything. Knew that he was just some two-bit hustler. A whore, a slut. Worthless. Knew he was a junkie.
Derek walked over to him quickly and squatted in front of him. Niall was startled into looking at him. “Hey,” Derek said gently. “If I didn’t want you here, you wouldn’t be here, right?”
Suffused with relief, shame evaporating, Niall nodded his head and started to remove his clothing under Derek’s watchful eyes. They emptied the backpack together.
“Somebody loves you a lot,” Derek said with a smile as a note in Peggy’ s large handwriting slid out of the pack. “Niall, we love you. Can’t wait until you come home. Mom.”
Niall tightened his lips and didn’t reply. “Damn, do you actually eat all of this food?” Derek asked incredulously.
Niall smirked, “Yeah, I do.”
Derek ran a hand up and down Niall’s arm and across his chest. “I never would have guessed.”
Niall’s head fell back and chills ran up and down his body. His eyes drifted shut. Embarrassed by his strong response to Derek’s touch, when he was able to regain control, he averted his eyes and looked around the room desperately, trying to avoid looking at Derek.
“C’mon,” Derek said. “Let’s go take a shower.”
Niall followed him, stomach tight with fear and anticipation. He had a chance to get a quick glimpse of Derek’s bedroom and then they were in the bathroom. He was as impressed with the bathroom as he had been with the living room.
There was a large whirlpool bath in the corner. The shower was huge. There were seats carved into the corners and a couple of showerheads. Derek quickly removed his clothing and threw them into the hamper that was hidden in a corner behind the door.
Derek’s movements were brisk and efficient, nothing seductive at all, but Niall found himself hard and aching at the sight of his tall, muscular, golden brown form. Derek’s nipples were pierced. Niall’s mouth started to water. Unusually shy, he placed his hands in front of his engorged penis.
“Like what you see?” Derek teased. Niall blushed and nodded his head. For once, he was at a loss for words. No clever, sarcastic rejoinders came to mind.
“Come on in,” Derek invited with a sexy half smile. Heart fluttering, Niall joined him. He eyed him from the back as Derek turned the water on and adjusted the temperature. Impossible as it seemed, Derek looked just as good from the back as he did from the front.
His back was hard and full of muscular ripples, tapering down to a slender waist and a high, firm, rounded ass. His legs were long and endless. Even his feet were beautiful, long and slender. Niall had a thing about feet too. He was a classic freak, he thought.
Derek lathered his hands and motioned Niall towards him. He put soapy hands on Niall’s head and started washing his hair. Niall’s knees buckled. He moaned and put a hand out to catch himself. He loved having his hair caressed and it had been so long since anyone had touched him so gently.
Derek put his hands beneath Niall’s armpits, supporting him. “C’mon, you need to sit down.” Derek turned him around, about to lead him towards the corner of the shower so he could sit. Niall heard a gasp and his stomach sank.
“Who did this to you?” Derek asked in low, furious tones.
“Some guy,” Niall replied softly.
Breathing deeply, struggling for control, Derek asked, “What did he use on you?”
“A flogger…and his fists,” Niall replied, ashamed again.
Derek probed gently, wincing in sympathy when Niall flinched. “Don’t EVER let anyone flog you, hit you, or use force here and here,” Derek said. He drew lines on Niall’s body with one finger. “These are danger zones. Strikes to these areas can cause permanent damage.”
“I let him do it. I needed it,” Niall confessed in miserable tones.
“How long have you been straight?” Derek asked.
“A couple of months.”
“You’re doing it yourself and the pain distracts you,” Derek said, waiting for confirmation. Niall nodded his head.
Derek sighed. He sat Niall down on the shower bench and bathed him carefully. Niall closed his eyes, sure this was as close to heaven as he was ever going to get.
Derek pondered what Niall had told him as he ran his hands over Niall’s wiry form tenderly. He tried to ignore the way Niall’s smooth skin felt under his fingertips. Against his will, his cock lengthened.
There was no way he could play with this boy. No fucking way. Niall was so wounded, no matter how his cock tried to convince him differently, Derek couldn’t get around the fact that he would be lower than low if he did anything to him.
He rinsed Niall off and then bathed himself rapidly under Niall’s rapt gaze. He begged his body not to respond without success. That hot, dark blue stare was irresistible.
Niall was motionless and silent as Derek dried him off. He had a quality, a stillness about him that drew Derek. It was as if he were waiting…waiting for orders. Orders that would be followed, to the letter, quickly and obediently. Derek wanted to grab him by the hair and push him to his knees in front of him.
Instead, he dried him off cautiously, unwilling to hurt him more than he had been hurt already. He wrapped him in soft, fluffy towels protectively, not wanting him to feel the draft as they left the bathroom.
He dried himself quickly and wrapped a towel around his waist.
He picked Niall up and carried him into his bedroom. He sat them down on a small sofa in the corner of the large room. Niall’s eyes were closed. He was breathing so deeply that for a moment, Derek thought he was asleep.
Niall lay in Derek’s arms like a child. A slow trail of burning tears fell from beneath his closed eyelids. Derek tightened his arms around him until Niall felt as though he could barely breathe. He didn’t care. If he could have spoken, he would have asked Derek to hold him even tighter.
Derek leaned over and kissed his forehead delicately. Niall released a soft, strangled sound. He clenched his jaw tightly, attempting to hold all of the turbulent emotions within.
Derek brushed a thumb across each cheek, wiping the tears away, and Niall screamed. A hoarse cry of pain and indescribable agony. His body convulsed with his fierce effort to restrain his tears.
The pain opened wide and engulfed him, larger than he, too big to fight and defeat. He cried on Derek’s chest. Noisy, wracking, violent sobs.
Derek held him, tears coming to his eyes, feeling the heavy weight of the pain Niall was carrying. He rocked him, holding him in strong, protective arms, aware that he would kill anyone who hurt Niall. He kissed Niall on the forehead again.
Niall cried for long moments, forever, it seemed to both of them. The emotional storm subsided gradually. Exhausted, Niall fell asleep. Derek, lured into sleep by Niall’s warm body in his arms, awakened about an hour later.
He carried Niall to his bed, and then went into the kitchen. He knew that Niall would be ravenous when he awakened. He prepared an old fashioned southern meal for the two of them; he loved to cook, especially for his friends.
He cooked enough for a football team; crisp, flavorful, fried chicken, left over collard greens, that had been simmered with smoked turkey wings for hours, potato salad, creamy with eggs, mayo and a couple of other secret ingredients his grandmother had shared with him, and fluffy powdered biscuits made from scratch. For dessert, he whipped up two batches of chocolate chip cookies that were coming out of the oven just as Niall walked into the room.
“God, it smells so good in here, I had to wake up.”
“Glad you’re up. Thought you might be hungry. You can set the table for us,” Derek said as he put the fried chicken in a bowl and set it on the center of the kitchen table. He moved around the kitchen efficiently and pointed out the things Niall would need to set the table.
“You sure you’re a doctor and not a chef?” Niall asked.
“Yup, just love to cook.”
Derek loaded the table up with food and stopped what he was doing to scrutinize Niall carefully. His eyes were red and swollen and he was moving around gingerly. The expression in his eyes reassured Derek. They held peace. A temporary thing, Derek knew from experience. Still, he was glad to see it.
He ate hungrily and Derek asked, “You sure you’re a man and not a horse?”
Niall looked at him and laughed. “Hey, its here. Gotta eat it right? It’s the polite thing to do. And my mama raised me to be polite.”
When they finished eating, Niall adamantly refused to allow Derek to help with the cleanup. “You tell me where everything goes. I’ll do the rest. Seriously, Derek.”
Derek acquiesced reluctantly, not accustomed to allowing anyone to move around in his kitchen. “I want to talk when you’re done.”
Niall nodded. He had known this was coming. Derek watched him intently as he worked. Niall was a very pretty boy. And Derek really, really liked tall, lean, pretty boys.
He wasn’t skinny either. He had clearly defined muscles. His stomach was a rippled, taut grid. His skin was a creamy peach color all over. Derek bet that he got really dark when he tanned. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on him. His cock was long and lean too. Derek hadn’t missed that.
After he loaded the last dish into the dishwasher, locked it and turned it on, Niall took a deep breath and turned around. “I’m ready,” he said.
Derek looked at him, gray eyes serious and direct. “Do you trust me?”
Niall searched his eyes, almost drowning in the dark gray before he was able to answer. “Yes,” he said, not having to think about it.
“Take your clothes off,” Derek said.
Niall obeyed rapidly. He was excited, not sure what to expect, and turned on. He was hard again before he could get his pants down his hips. He seemed to stay hard around Derek.
“Come with me.” Derek walked towards the back of the condo, not looking behind him to see if Niall was following. He unlocked the door and entered a room.
Niall felt like Alice in Wonderland… what was that thing she said? ‘I’m not myself, you see…’
The walls of the room were painted lilac. One entire wall was mirrored. There was a painting of two men covering the opposite wall that appeared to have been created by the same artist as the picture in the living room.
Two men together, one on all fours, shackles on his ankles and wrists, with a collar and leash that was being held by the other man, who was standing. The picture was in black and white. Sparse, bold lines conveyed the dynamic bond between the two men: Master and slave.
Niall gasped and his heart rate accelerated until he felt as though he would pass out. His cock hardened even further. He gripped his hands tightly together and looked at Derek, awaiting direction.
“Sit in the chair,” Derek said curtly, motioning towards a large, black, wooden chair in the center of the room.
Niall obeyed, trembling with fear, anticipation and excitement. He stared, mesmerized, as Derek, slowly and painstakingly tied him to the chair. First, Derek restrained his wrists and then his ankles. There was an enchanted, hushed silence in the room as if something sacred was occurring.
Niall was gasping, unable to control his breathing. Derek looked at him. “Niall, take a slow, deep breath, in and out,” he said sternly.
Niall complied and was able to regain his composure. His eyes closed involuntarily. He was alternately hot and cold. His breathing quickened once again.
“Niall,” Derek said sternly. “Chill.”
Niall looked at him crazily. How can I remain calm when you use that voice, that voice that makes me want to do ANYTHING you ask me to, no matter what? How can I remain calm when…I want to be on my knees in front of you…serving you…in any and every way you desire?
He bit his lip in an attempt to remain silent.
Derek surveyed him from head to toe. He checked the bindings to ensure that they wouldn’t cut off Niall’s circulation. He wanted to talk to Niall, wanted to help him. He had thought that being restrained would help Niall to feel safe. Instead, Niall seemed to be going into sensory overload. He tried to talk him down a little.
“I just want to talk to you, Niall,” he said quietly. He stroked the side of Niall’s face. Niall turned his face into Derek’s palm frantically, not wanting to lose contact with him. “I’m not going to talk to you unless you calm down. Take another deep breath.”
Willing to do anything to please Derek, Niall took another deep breath and willed himself to calm down. Unable to resist, he tested his bonds. When he realized that he would not be able to get out until Derek released him, he emitted a low, excited groan. He took another deep breath and opened his eyes.
Derek’s gray eyes were patient, clear and impenetrable. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking. The only thing he could do was follow directions and wait to see where Derek was headed.
When Derek saw that Niall had calmed, he pulled up a smaller chair and sat in front of him. The room was dimly lit with the glow from a small lamp in the corner of the room. It was quiet and intimate.
“How long have you been involved in the lifestyle?” Derek asked
“I haven’t been involved in the lifestyle, not like you mean,” Niall said hesitantly. “I’ve always wanted to be tied up.”
“What were your first experiences?”
“I used to tie myself up and I used to get my brother’s boyfriend Shannon to tie me up.”
“You’re brother’s boyfriend?” Derek struggled to keep his tone even.
“He wasn’t his boyfriend at the time. He was my best friend. We were just kids. We stopped when we turned sixteen. He wasn’t into it anyway. Just did it cuz I asked him to.”
Niall was starting to lose it again. Derek’s stare was so commanding, so intense, searing through him, that he felt as though he was going to melt into the chair. The feelings of being unable to move, helpless and under this man’s control, threatened to overpower him. Every one of his senses was awake, alive and under the power of this man.
He struggled against the bonds. His cock twitched. He felt moisture running down his thigh. God, he was leaking. God he was so hard. His breathing quickened. He was melting. He was burning. He felt a wave of chills, starting at his feet and working their way up his body in an infinitesimal, undulating ripple. God, God, God. He clenched his jaw.
“Focus, Niall,” Derek said harshly. “I’m talking to you.”
“I’m listening,” Niall protested quickly, and then bit his lip. The expression in Derek’s eyes…uh, oh.
“Under different circumstances, you would pay for that remark. And pay dearly,” Derek said curtly. Derek walked over to him. Niall eyed him apprehensively. Derek slid his fingers into Niall’s silky, feather light hair, grabbed a handful and tugged hard. He leaned over and whispered into Niall’s ear, “Focus, boy.”
Niall’s head fell back and his eyes closed. He bit his lip harder, fighting for control. “Derek, please,” he whispered, not sure what he was begging for.
“Look at me, Niall.”
Niall obeyed instantly.
“If you don’t regain control immediately, I am going to release you, and this will be over.”
“Yes, sir,” Niall said in a low voice.
Derek’s penis lurched beneath the sweat pants. He felt as though he were barely in control of this scene. Clearly, his original intent to make Niall feel safe had been lost.
Though perhaps not entirely, obviously Niall felt safe or he would not be so far gone. He just meant to create a setting where Niall would feel comfortable answering personal questions.
Most of the submissives he had played with, without fail, had told him that they felt safest when restrained. Also, he loved interrogation scenes. His strong response to Niall kept catching him off guard. He had not expected to feel so attuned to him.
He had not started this out as a scene or role-play or whatever. Somehow, this horse was running away with him and he was gonna have to rein it in…rein himself in. He realized that he was the one out of control. No matter how difficult it might be, what he planned on doing and what he wanted to do, were going to have to remain separate for now.
“What about the pain?” he asked, deliberately keeping the question open to interpretation, in order to elicit as honest an answer as Niall was able to give.
“I’m a masochist,” Niall said simply. “I’ve hurt myself for as long as I can remember. When I was a little boy, I would feel things so much that I would grind my teeth to keep myself under control.
I don’t know how, but I discovered that I could use pain, to control myself, or to make it more intense. I didn’t find out about getting someone else to hurt me ‘til later.” He shivered. He was bleeding. Soul leaking out.
They stared at each other, locked in the moment. Derek was stunned and humbled by Niall’s willingness and trust. He wasn’t sure if he should continue. Niall made the decision for him and picked up where he left off.
“When I lost my job and needed money to get high, I started hustling. I learned the hard way. How to look at someone who looked normal and figure out whether or not they were crazy.” He laughed bitterly. “I REALLY learned that one the hard way.
I started going to the leather bars. It just happened that way. Wasn’t anything I did on purpose.”
“Synchronicity,” Derek said. “The universe responding to the energy you were putting out,” he continued at Niall’s questioning look.
“After I got beat up a couple of times, and talked to a couple of guys in the bar, I started to understand that a real Top, one who knows what he’s doing, won’t even go near someone who is drunk or high. After a couple more beatings, good and bad, I figured out that the pain helped me to stop getting high.
I mean, it didn’t stop me from getting high. It helped that craving. You know what, I don’t know what I mean.” He was cold. Ice cold. He shivered again and found that he couldn’t stop. He blanked out.
Derek cut the ropes from Niall’s wrists and ankles and then picked him up, carried him to his bedroom and laid him on his bed. Derek removed his clothing and got into the bed with Niall. He cuddled him into his arms, stroking his hair and talking to him softly. “Come back to me, Niall. Come back to me.”
Niall stirred slowly in Derek’s embrace. He didn’t want to surface. He felt so…warm. Being in Derek’s arms was like being surrounded by a ring of fire. He purred. Derek looked down at the boy in his arms and smiled to himself. He was purring so loud that the bed was vibrating. “You’re back,” he said.
Niall turned around and faced him, “Yeah.”
“Hungry?”
“Always,” Niall said with a smile.
While they were in the kitchen, Niall told Derek about his family. He had four brothers, Cullen, Quinn, Dyllan and Brodie and two sisters, Mary Katherine and Niamh. Niall was in the middle. “Explains a lot right?”
Derek laughed with him. As his laughter faded away, he looked at Niall and asked, “Still trust me?”
“Always,” Niall replied softly, aware of what his answer revealed.
“I want to take you someplace tomorrow. Someplace that I think will help you. I don’t want to tell you about it now, I would rather you see for yourself.”
“Ok.”
Niall insisted upon cleaning the kitchen again. Derek watched him putter around, surprised at how at home he was in the kitchen. When he commented on it, Niall said, “My mom wanted us to be as independent as possible.
She said that when we left her, she wanted us prepared to live on our own because she didn’t want us to come back.” He laughed bitterly. “The rest of us did fine. I was the only one to end up going back. Brodie is still with her, for now. He’s finishing college.”
They watched television for a while. Derek held Niall in his arms and covered him with a comforter. “Derek, why are you doing this for me?”
“Someone did it for me once,” Derek said curtly, in a voice that did not invite further inquiry.
Niall winced, stung by Derek’s continued reluctance to talk about himself, despite how open Niall had been with him. A little while later, Niall asked in a subdued voice, “Derek, don’t you want me?” He held his breath while he waited for Derek’s answer.
Derek remained quiet for a few moments. How could he answer that? “It’s a lot more complicated than that Niall. The simple answer is yes, I want you. I’m not going to act upon that desire.”
“I want you, Derek,” Niall said quietly, turning in Derek’s arms so that he could look him in the eye.
Derek ran a hand down his face. His cock was burning. It was harder than it had ever been and he knew that Niall could feel it. “I play hard, Niall. In more ways than one. And I don’t think you can handle that right now.”
“I can, Derek.”
“No, you can’t. You’re going to have to trust me on this too. We don’t know each other, but I feel like we could be friends. And I don’t do anything that would hurt my friends. Let me rephrase that,” he said with a faint smile. “Right now, it wouldn’t be fair for me to play with you. We wouldn’t be starting out on equal ground. If and when we play together, I want you with me all the way.”
Niall lay back in Derek’s arms, mind working furiously. He understood what Derek was saying; that didn’t mean that he liked it, or accepted it. There was a tiny part of him that was relieved; he knew that his trust in Derek was justified. He wanted that hard cock in his mouth though. He could feel the thick, solid length of flesh boring a hole in his back as he lay against Derek.
He couldn’t control himself. He rubbed his ass against Derek’s rigid penis and reached down to stroke his own cock. He inhaled sharply as Derek grabbed a handful of hair and yanked his head back. “Do I need to tie you up to make you behave?” Derek twisted Niall’s head around so that he could look into his eyes.
“I think I do.” He stood up, his hard cock visibly straining the confines of his pants. There was a moist spot on the center.
Dragging Niall along with him by the hair, he pulled one of the kitchen chairs into the living room and sat him down in it, the look in his eyes daring Niall to move. He reached under one of the sofa cushions and grabbed several lengths of rope. He tied Niall’s arms behind him and tied his ankles to the chair legs.
“I can tell this is the only way I’m gonna get peace around here,” Derek said firmly. He turned the chair around so Niall could see the television. He sat in the easy chair across from where Niall was; he knew that if he wasn’t touching Niall, that Niall would need to see him.
Niall tested his bonds even though he didn’t really want to get away. His eyes were half closed and glazed. Derek ignored his restless movements, keeping his eyes on the television. Need curled low in his stomach.
He turned to look at Niall and found Niall staring at him. Blue eyes met silver and they exchanged a long, heated glance. Derek’s nostrils flared and he clenched his jaw. God. This was fucking torture.
He turned back to the television. Against his will, his eyes drifted back towards Niall. Niall was staring at his cock. Niall’s co-conspirator twitched in his pants. He knew Niall could see his cock throbbing with desire.
“Derek,” Niall said in an aching whisper.
Derek refused to answer.
“Derek, please.”
Derek gripped the arms of the chair so tightly he left marks in the fabric. He kept his eyes on the television. He struggled to keep his breathing quiet and even.
“Derek, please, just let me suck your cock. Just let me taste you.”
Derek groaned.
“Please, just one taste, Derek, I promise, if you just let me… Just the head…” Niall’s voice trailed off as Derek’s eyes met his again. The heat took his breath away. “Derek, I will do anything, I swear to God, I will do ANYTHING you want me to do.” His cock was so hard he could cut ice with it. And it hurt.
Derek walked over to him and pinched one of his nipples, gently at first, then increased the pressure in subtle increments that had Niall screaming with pain. Niall’s cock was jerking up and down he was so hard. “Be a good boy, Niall. Didn’t I tell you that you aren’t up to playing with me, slut boy?” Derek snarled, heart racing.
Crazed and breathless with excitement, Niall licked his lips and begged, “Just let me suck your cock. Fuck my face. I’ll be your boy, your bitch. I’ll be whatever you want me to be. Do whatever you want me to do,” he finished frantically.
“Niall, if you say another word, I’m gonna gag you.” Derek ran a hand over his face. He could tell that Niall’s excitement ratcheted up even higher with those words. “It would please me if you would sit here quietly, Niall,” Derek said, voice quiet and sincere. He was stunned at the effect his words had on Niall.
Niall sat up even straighter. He swallowed audibly and closed his eyes, clearly fighting for control. He breathed deeply and rapidly. He was sweating. But he was quiet.
Shit. If he had known it was gonna be that easy, he would have tried that earlier. He didn’t realize how much Niall had meant it when he said he would do ANYTHING. This was more complicated than he had ever imagined when he decided to take a blue-eyed pretty boy home with him.
This was getting scary. Shit. Any Top who thought he was in charge of anything, was dead wrong. As one sub had said to him once, “Subs rule, we only let the Tops THINK they’re in charge.” Derek smiled to himself wryly. Truer words were never spoken.
Right now, truth be told, he wanted to grab Niall by the hair and fuck his face. His number one priority, as always, was safety. And he knew that there was no way that Niall could play with him the way he wanted to play.
With the emotional pain Niall was in right now, he would come unglued. He was wounded enough. Derek was not going to make it worse. His cock was not going for that argument though. Especially not with Niall begging to have it in his mouth.
He sat back down in the chair with a quiet, frustrated sigh. Determinedly, he turned towards the television once again. His balls were aching. His cock would not go down.
He looked at Niall again. His cock’s new best friend. They were conspiring behind his back. Obviously they had some kind of hidden communication thing going. Niall was staring at it like it was a piece of apple pie on a plate. Or like it was some expensive delicacy he had paid dearly for and was now finally gonna get a taste of.
Niall smirked at him as if he knew of the continuous battle Derek was having with his disobedient penis. His indigo eyes had a cute, devilish expression in them that made Derek wish that he had known him as a little kid. He was adorable. Niall didn’t have to say a word; his eyes said it all.
Derek went over to him and untied his arms. He massaged Niall’s aching shoulders for a minute and Niall arched into his touch, purring again. Derek tied his arms in front of him. He released his ankles from the chair, tied them together and then carried Niall to the couch with him. He held Niall in his arms again, enjoying the silk of Niall’s skin against him.
Niall snuggled into him, eventually lulled into sleep by the sound of Derek’s heartbeat against his ear. Derek carried him to bed and untied his ankles and wrists. He fell asleep lying on his back, with Niall curled around him.
He awakened abruptly, on the verge of cumming. His cock was encased in the warm velvet of Niall’s mouth and Niall was doing something with his tongue that left Derek paralyzed with pleasure. He could not move, could not think. He arched his back and cried out wordlessly.
He thrust his fingers into Niall’s hair and moved his mouth violently up and down on his cock. At his moment, he didn’t care if he hurt him, he couldn’t stop, couldn’t get enough of what that sweet, luscious mouth was doing to him. Their eyes met and Niall looked at him with a combination of guilt, shame and lust.
Niall’s eyes closed and he groaned, long and loud; Derek could feel the vibrations around his penis. Derek flashed on the sight of Niall’s hand moving roughly on his own cock, jerking himself off, pulling and tugging urgently. When he saw the first spurts erupting from Niall’s cock, in jets of viscous, white cream, he forced Niall’s mouth all the way down to his groin and held it there ruthlessly, cumming forcefully and releasing torrents of thick, white fluid.
Niall looked at him, shame faced and trying to catch his breath. He had a smear of cum on the side of his face, his hair was hanging in his eyes, and he looked like a kid who was awaiting punishment. Derek stared back, face impassive.
Derek was a mass of conflicting emotions. As usual, when he had impulsively invited Niall into his home, he had been reacting emotionally instead of really thinking about what the fuck he was doing. Had he really thought that he could just take some cute, obviously troubled guy home, fuck him, fix him and send him on his way?
He berated himself viciously; that was the trouble, had always been the trouble, he didn’t fucking think. If he really wanted to help Niall, he should have kept his hands off of him…no matter how good his intentions were. As his father liked to say, ‘No good deed goes unpunished.’ He couldn’t find it in himself to be so cynical but damn, sometimes he had to wonder.
The cold look in Derek’s eye was beginning to frighten Niall. Obviously, he had gone too far. He had just wanted to pay Derek back for everything he had done for him. The way he had been treating him. Niall hadn’t been treated like he was human for a very long time.
He tossed his head to get his hair out of his face. “Look, Derek, I’m sorry.” His eyes were sad and fearful.
Derek continued to stare at him, angry with Niall, furious with himself. He wasn’t so angry that he didn’t realize that he was being unfair. He hadn’t given Niall any rules. How was Niall to know whether or not he was breaking them?
Shit, he hated newbies. Shit, sometimes he hated himself more. He was such a fucking control freak. He was probably the only man in the universe who would get mad because someone decided to give him a blow job.
The ice in his silver eyes dissipated. “It’s cool. Let’s get showered and dressed and I’ll take you to The Space. You go first. I’ll get your clothes out of the dryer.”
Niall was disappointed that Derek wouldn’t be showering with him but knew better than to protest. They dressed, ate a quick breakfast and then were on their way. Niall sat in Derek’s car in an apprehensive silence. “Any questions?” Derek asked.
“I’ll wait ‘til I can see for myself,” Niall said.
Derek nodded and they completed the journey in silence. When they arrived at what appeared to be an old farmhouse, Niall looked around in disappointment. A name like “The Space,” had conjured up innumerable images of the exotic for Niall’s vivid imagination.
Derek spoke into the intercom at the gate and drove through when the gates opened with a noisy whine. Niall glanced around curiously as they drove up the long driveway. It was beautiful, the lawn dark green and impeccably kept. There were wildflowers everywhere. He could make out an enormous lake in the distance.
When they entered the house, a large, bald, shirtless black man with a dog collar around his neck, answered the door. He had tattoos all over his arms and on his back too, Niall observed when he turned around silently to lead them to a room to the right. “Thank you, Ezekiel,” Derek said. Zeke nodded.
Short moments later, a tall man with long, white hair and piercing black eyes entered the room. Derek and he embraced warmly. The closeness between the two men was obvious. Niall was filled with a sudden, virulent hatred. When Simon turned to him and saw the expression in Niall’s eyes, he wheeled around to see who behind him could have elicited such violent emotion.
He realized with astonishment that all of that dislike was directed at him. Derek introduced them, “Niall, this is Somebody, only his name is Simon.” When Derek finished the introductions, he asked Niall to wait for them to return. After he closed the door behind them, Simon said, “Phew, you have your hands full with that one.”
“Niall?” Derek asked incredulously. “He’s adorable. Anyway, it’s not like that. Not like that at all.”
“That’s what you think, my friend,” Simon said, eyes glinting with amusement. “But ok, tell me what it IS like then.”
Derek briefly explained that he had just met Niall and that he thought that Simon’s program would help him.
“Wait a minute,” Simon said skeptically. “You just met this boy. You bring him here. He comes with you, not knowing anything about where you are taking him, what it’s all about and you tell me that ‘it’s not like that.’
Derek glared at him, silver eyes narrowed with irritation as Simon laughed so hard he was doubled over. “Alright, man. Whatever you say,” Simon said when he was able to catch his breath.
“Don’t I wish.” Derek smiled reluctantly as Simon continued to laugh his ass off. “I want a few minutes with Niall and then I’ll be out. He wants me to go see his mother.”
Simon looked at Derek with concern. “Are you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?”
“Did you?” Derek responded.
“Point taken,” Simon said with a rueful smile, still able to see traces of the angry fifteen-year-old boy that remained in the man standing before him now. They had met in a leather bar in downtown Baltimore that was closed now.
When Simon had met Derek, he was a fifteen year old who thought he knew it all. Derek was in the bar, with a fake ID, and a nasty attitude. Simon saw the boy, drunk and belligerent, about to go home with two guys that had a reputation for causing serious harm to some of their playmates.
Simon had dared him to stay and play with him. He jiggled the handcuffs at his waist. “Scared?” he taunted. Derek had laughed in his face and ended up going home with him, just to prove that he could take whatever punishment Simon could dish out.
After they had gotten together a few times, Derek had looked at Simon and asked, “When do I get to do this to you?”
Simon had looked at him with a half smile and said, “Houston, we have a problem.” Despite the ten year difference in their ages, Derek had caught the reference and smiled in return.
“Are you serious about this, or is this just a game?”
Sensing that his response was of extreme importance, Derek answered sincerely, “I am very serious. Very ignorant, but serious.”
Simon had looked at him with surprise, “Now you’ve got my attention. That’s the first real thing you have ever said to me. Welcome to my world.”
As Derek brushed past him, walking towards the room where Niall waited, Simon grasped his arm. “Wait.”
Derek paused and turned around. Simon said seriously, “Don’t forget. I’m on your side.”
Derek looked at him and said, “I know. I’ve always known that. And you know me better than I give you credit for. So, the answer to your question is, no, I don’t know what I’m getting into. I’ve never felt like this before.”
“I thought…”
Derek interrupted him, “Yeah, I thought the Fixit Shop was closed too. Apparently, its still open for business.”
Simon chuckled and this time when Derek went towards the room, didn’t try to stop him.
Niall stood in the center of the room. Waiting. He turned around quickly when Derek entered the room. His face lightened with relief when he saw that it was Derek.
“Derek, you’ll be back, right?”
“Yes, remember I told you that the first month they don’t allow visitors, though.”
“I remember,” Niall replied. “You won’t forget about me, will you?”
Derek walked over to him and hugged him. Niall sank into the arms that held him so protectively. “No, I won’t forget you.” He put both hands on the sides of Niall’s face. They were almost the same height. For some reason, he always saw Niall as a lot shorter. They were eye to eye and he said, “I—will—not---forget---you.”
Derek stood outside of Niall’s mother’s house nervously. There were a lot of things that he had forgotten to ask Niall. Did his mother know he was gay? Did she know about his drug problem? Did she…Derek stopped his mental chatter and rang the doorbell.
The woman who answered the door must be one of Niall’s sisters, Mary Katherine or Niamh. Damn, she was pretty and she was almost as tall as he was. Those eyes, was that color real? Purple blue, must be contacts. “Hi, my name is Derek, and um…Niall sent me. Is his mom here?”
Peggy’s first thoughts when she answered the door were, damn he’s beautiful, and please God, can I have one of these? When she heard Niall’s name she gasped, “Oh my God, we’ve been looking for him. We couldn’t find him yesterday. We’ve been scared to death. Please come in. I’m his mother,” she added breathlessly.
She grabbed Derek’s hand. “Thank you so much for coming.” To his great embarrassment, Peggy opened her arms and pulled him into a warm, affectionate embrace and kissed his cheek. “Sit down, I’ll go get you a soda.” She ignored his protests and after a few minutes entered the room with a plateful of cookies and carrying a couple of cans of soda.
“I wasn’t sure what kind of soda you wanted.” She pulled a cell phone out of the pocket of her jeans. “Can you stay for a bit while I get everyone together? That way, you’ll only have to tell your story once.”
She got on the phone like a general rallying her troops. When she had completed the last phone call, she said delicately, “Are you and Niall…together?”
Derek blushed so fiercely that it was evident even with his dark coloring. Peggy smiled with amusement, dimples flashing in delight. She was unable to hold back a quiet laugh.
“Um, we’re friends,” Derek replied.
“Good, have some cookies.”
Moments later it seemed, Derek was surrounded by O’Brien’s. He was able to put names with faces because of Niall’s vivid descriptions of the family he loved so dearly. What Niall hadn’t mentioned was the rainbow coloring of this beautiful family of his. They were all various shades, ranging from Cullen’s fair skin to Mary Katherine’s creamy vanilla caramel complexion.
Dyllan, Lacey and Kai sat together on the loveseat in the corner. Lacey and Kai sat on either side of Dyllan supportively, holding his hands tightly. His blue gray eyes settled on Derek attentively, obviously concerned about what was going on with his older brother.
Cullen sat at the head of the table, with his partner Shannon seated comfortably on his lap. Derek saw immediately why Niall cared so much for Shannon. He was special. He had a sweetness of spirit that radiated from him.
Quinn sat in the easy chair next to the fireplace. Niall’s two sisters Niamh and Mary Katherine sat at the table next to each other. He looked at Niamh curiously. Niall had said that of his two sisters, he was closest to Niamh and Quinn was close to Mary Katherine.
Niamh was a chef. Her blond hair was short and spiky and her eyes were dark blue like Niall’s. Her skin was a dark creamy peach. She had been wearing a Baltimore Orioles cap on backwards when she came into the house and was dressed in a navy blue sweatshirt and a pair of faded jeans. Niall called her a ‘Wild Child.’
On the other side of the table, the youngest, Brodie, the only one who was not blond haired and blue eyed, sat next to his mother, holding her hand lovingly. Niall said Brodie was the ‘smart one’ and the favorite. ‘Brodie is the baby, and we all love him the best.’
Peggy took a deep breath, “Ok guys, Niall sent Derek here. I don’t know any more than y’all do. I thought it would be easier if Derek only had to tell his story once.”
“Hey everybody. First thing I want to tell you is that Niall is fine.” Derek paused. The relief in the room was palpable. “I took him to a rehab facility that is run by a friend of mine. He wanted me to let you all know that he is safe.”
“Thanks for coming, Derek,” Cullen said, clearly the family spokesman and the one they all deferred to. Niall had said that Cullen was more of a father than a big brother. Niall idolized Cullen and had told Derek that Cullen had just been a kid himself when he had taken the responsibility for helping his mother raise and support his brothers and sisters.
Cullen continued, “We’ve all been crazy worrying about Niall. Can you tell us more about the rehab? Where is it? When can we see him?”
“The rehab is in Westminster. Usually they can start having visitors after the first month, but the counselors make the final decision on that on an individual basis. The facility is for people who…” he stopped nervously, unsure of how much to divulge.
“People who?” Cullen echoed.
There was a tense silence in the room.
“People who are involved in the BDSM lifestyle,” Derek finished, preparing to elaborate when Peggy interrupted him.
“Shit, is that all?” she asked in irritable tones. “I thought you were gonna say something terrible. Look, Derek, in our family…”
“We don’t care about shit like that,” all of the kids said in unison, having heard that statement at least a hundred times over the years.
Peggy blushed as they all laughed at her. “Hey, life is too short to worry about shit like that. Know what I mean?”
Derek looked at this warm, loving woman with wonder. Too bad she couldn’t be cloned. He answered their questions as best as he could, trying to allay their concerns and fears for Niall.
“Are you and Niall together?” Damn…that question again. He looked at Niall’s sister Niamh and replied, “We’re friends.”
“Just friends? Too bad,” Niamh said. “We like you.”
Derek smiled and said, “I like you too.”
When he left a little while later, Peggy informed him that he had an open invitation to visit whenever he wanted. He left, hoping that Niall realized how much he was loved. Being with the O’Brien’s made him want to spend some time with his own family.
He called his Mom and told her he was on his way. Derek had grown up the youngest of three, in an upper middle class family. His parents sent him to private school. He had the best of everything.
Unlike his older brother and sister, he could not fit in. If there was a rule to be broken, Derek had to put it to the test. He could never figure out why. Even now, he had to continually remind himself that he was not a rebel with a cause. Even now, he could barely conform. He could follow the rules well enough to get by, and that was about it.
He had left home when he was around 14, after an argument with his father. His father had said, ‘If you don’t like my rules then leave.’ His father didn’t mean it. He knew his father didn’t mean it. He left anyway, in a move that he always thought of as one of the dumbest mistakes of his life.
He had started living on the street. Always looking for trouble and finding it. Looking for his next adventure. He thrived on excitement and challenge. When he met Simon, he had been living on the edge. He had just started getting high. He was addicted, not just to the drugs, but to the street life too.
Simon had introduced him to a different world. A world where he felt comfortable and where he belonged. He owed Simon a lot. Simon had mentored him and stopped him from tumbling into a downward spiral that Derek had seen too many others that had been on the street with him fall into.
He had got into BDSM for the rush. How much punishment could he take? He felt like he was fighting against the Top and winning when he succeeded in not giving in. It took him awhile to understand that it was not about that at all.
=================================================
Against his will, Niall listened to Simon as he spoke to him and nine others about “The Space.”
“I know most of you know very little or nothing at all about us. It may seem strange, but participation in our program is by invitation only. We ask that when someone decides to make a referral that they don’t try to explain the program; we would rather do that here. I want to thank you for stepping out on faith and coming here. Or maybe, as they say, you’re just ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired.’
Simon stood up and started pacing slowly as he resumed speaking. “If you don’t like what you hear, when I a